Shinya Kogami (狡噛 慎也) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
carnivorously) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
trustfelled2017-06-24 07:34 pm
carnivorously) wrote in trustfelled2017-06-24 07:34 pm
Kind words do not cost much. Yet they accomplish much.
[Well, that was one hell of a trial. Kogami’s tired and hungry. He’ll get his staple hamburgers, but maybe he’ll be nice enough to help make some for everyone.
So there’s a note that goes out:]
Food in the dining hall – K, P, Q, & R
[It’s quickly written and straightforward.
And indeed there is food. There’s a shitton of hamburgers made by Kogami and Rose, the sliced cheese prepared by Pizzaz, and cake by QQ. Pickles, ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise and other such condiments are set out as well as an assortment of buns.
There’s not lighted candles this time, so it’s clear that the usual preparers didn’t help with this ‘buffet’. (Well, if it wasn’t clear with the note).
So rest, relax, and well, you’re probably going to have to get your own drinks this time, sorry…]
So there’s a note that goes out:]
Food in the dining hall – K, P, Q, & R
[It’s quickly written and straightforward.
And indeed there is food. There’s a shitton of hamburgers made by Kogami and Rose, the sliced cheese prepared by Pizzaz, and cake by QQ. Pickles, ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise and other such condiments are set out as well as an assortment of buns.
There’s not lighted candles this time, so it’s clear that the usual preparers didn’t help with this ‘buffet’. (Well, if it wasn’t clear with the note).
So rest, relax, and well, you’re probably going to have to get your own drinks this time, sorry…]
external foyer
So Sakura will feel that trademark Lovecraft Loom for a moment, but it doesn't take long for him to speak up. He does pretty much as soon as he reaches her.]
Sakura... May I join you?
[Also he uh.
Brought pie with.]
no subject
But why?
Why are all these people being nice to her? She did something terrible. Everyone found out. Tohsaka-senpai isn't going to talk to her anymore. There is no reason for any of this--]
O-okay... [She nods, very suddenly feeling lonely and tired, but she'll scoot aside so he can sit next to her]
no subject
He gently seats himself beside Sakura and glances her way for a moment before looking out the window as well. The plates are still in his hands, but he isn't exactly sure what the best way to offer one to Sakura is. Would she even want one? He wishes he was better at reading these things.]
...I, um. I wanted to thank you for helping me earlier in the trial.
[There are plenty of bigger things that are likely on Sakura's mind, he knows that. But...it needed to be said.]
no subject
Not at all. Please forgive Shinya-san -- I don't think he understands how his demands can be... overwhelming.
[Or he just doesn't care, but. Baby steps with him]
no subject
He doesn't take personal feelings into account for those sorts of things. He...does what needs to be done.
[It's kind of how he's always viewed Kogami's methods, even if he ends up on the particularly aggressive end of them sometimes.
His gaze drops to the plates of pie. There's a pause as he considers something.]
It just... It just stood out to me, I suppose.
no subject
[She thinks she knows the answer, but it upsets her all the same]
no subject
[How does he put this, exactly...]
I am usually capable of handling things on my own if I need to. Though it is much more difficult to do it with words than actions. I feel...very out of my element, engaging in discussion and debates with you all. Steinbeck was always the better one for dealing with people...
1/2
She's a person of familiar habits herself - the one that craves being useful. Something as simple as slicing the pie and handing it out keeps her heart rate slow and even]
Steinbeck-san is your colleague, yes? [She remembers his mention a week ago] I'm glad you have someone back at home to help...
[She shakes her head a bit, trying to clear it. The damp is still in there, making it hard to think] ... For years, when I was little, I barely talked to anyone. Even my brother. I thought that it was inconvenient if I told anyone want I wanted, so I... just stopped wanting things.
It wasn't until I was 13 that I met someone like Steinbeck - someone who had a better time talking to others, and to me, I suppose. He taught me how to speak up again...
But it's harder now -- I think it's harder than when I was little. [She's rambling, she knows, but the words are on autopilot and she watches them disappear into the air] Back then, I convinced myself it didn't matter what I said, but everyone here seems to think the opposite...
[She doesn't get it, how anyone can pay attention to the doll without strings. It's not as if Grandfather molded her into anything outside her intended role]
lord he got her to tl;dr 2/2
I'm sorry. I was talking over you... [Quickly focusing on the plates again] I just meant that I might be able to understand, a little...
no subject
When she suddenly stops though, he glances over. He looks...confused? Like he doesn't understand what the problem with her talking at length to him is.]
You...weren't doing any such thing. I didn't mind it.
[He keeps saying things like that. But he really does mean it. It's more than just saying "I don't mind" but not taking anything to heart and just being something to talk at. He knows how difficult it is to talk about these things, taking a look into why it's so difficult in the first place. Opening up in general is hard. He knows it means something that Sakura is doing so.
And so that's why his expression has softened considerably by this point.]
...I appreciate it.
[...the torn ends of his coat sure are getting fiddled with now, since he doesn't have the pie to stare at for now. He's never been good at this sort of thing, and probably never will be. (What's the point? It doesn't matter in the end...does it? This feels so contradictory...) But for some reason, he wants to try.]
I'm glad you also found someone like that. Someone to help you find a voice for yourself. [...] What you say does matter.
no subject
[She has years of subconscious conditioning to work through, so much that she doesn't recognize how often she apologizes or makes negative assumptions about herself. Lovecraft's neutral but unrelenting insistences help in that regard - they're at the point where Sakura would be shocked if he ever lied to her, and there's comfort to take in the truth.]
... You know... sometimes I...
[After handing Lovecraft his plate and fork, Sakura picks up her own, fiddling nervously with the fork. It's not a matter of fearing that he'll tell anyone. She fears her own wishes more than anything. If she wants something, it will engulf her, and there's no greater torment.]
Do you like your home? [In the end, she can't quite make the words come out, and weakly switches topics]
no subject
I do. [His answer comes easily enough.] I have nearly true solitude there, away from all the hectic noise of the world. It's dark and quiet... It is the only place that I can get decent sleep.
...I treasure it.
[Apparently he does have a lot to say about his home. As...cryptically as he described it.]
no subject
Is it... underwater?
[There's only one reason she makes that guess (the pool, he seemed so content in the water, he can breathe down there, but once it's out of her mouth, she feels silly for having said it. That's absurd]
no subject
[He is completely serious in the delivery of his response.
What does that even mean, though.]
no subject
-- But it doesn't have to be like that, she reminds herself. Most people here seem to come from variants of reality.]
Your profile said you do contract work. If you're sleeping underwater, how does anyone find you?
[She'd left the mystery alone before, but now she peeks at Lovecraft from the corner of her eyes, curious]
no subject
[He starts cutting a piece off of his pie, frowning. It's annoying when they manage to find him!]
I can only imagine they find out about me from previous clients... Sometimes they have the nerve to run into me.
[Dislikes: fishing boats.]
no subject
And then there is a distant howling because the Sakura player finally got the joke.]But... you can just turn them down, right?
[Still clinging to the distant hope Lovecraft and his clients are just meeting up at the beach, and there is nothing strange about any of this]
no subject
LOLUnfortunately for Sakura, it's going to be the opposite. It's...just going to get stranger.]
I can, and I often do. I don't appreciate being disturbed.
[...]
But some who purposefully seek me out offer me tribute. I will concede to a contract if the offering is adequate.
no subject
Ooooh boy, she's stuffing a piece of pie into her mouth for a second.]
I-I see. That does makes sense...
What do you consider adequate?
no subject
[He mulls it over while having some of his own pie.]
I suppose it depends on what they are asking of me.
no subject
Have you told Tohsaka-senpai any of this?
fff I lost track of this tag, sorry!
[He's not one to just talk about this stuff, it seems.]
no problem!
If she knew, she'd most likely ask you for a contract, so I wondered.
no subject
Huh. His reaction is on the mixed side.]
Really? [...] I suppose there is no shortage of need for a contract in this place...
no subject
[Added very quickly, almost instinctively]
There are worse people to ally yourself with, and Tohsaka-senpai is a genius, so--
[Though there's an abrupt pause in her words, like Sakura startled herself out of a thought. She suddenly smiles]
Mmm... Actually, I brought it up specifically so you'd know you didn't have to form a contract with her, even if she gets pushy about it, but I seem to always end up defending her instead...
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)