you'll be alright, no one can hurt you now

[flagitate]

[ After a hell of a trial, Katniss needs to focus her energy into something. So, the afterparty it is. Since she's not good at this kind of stuff, she's had some help. She'll pass out invitations to anyone she passes by, or she'll slip them under the door. ]



[ There is some food set up, but it's very much in sealed containers. Cookies, specifically, along with anything else she could scrounge up. There are very tightly sealed bottles of drinks, too. After that whole thing, she figures it'd be best to tread with caution. She won't blame anyone who brings their own food, of course.

There are fixings for smoothies, just in case someone's feeling it. Katniss has set up a couple of blenders around the game room. There's also some surf 'n' turf food, to honor Mack, too.

There are some decorations--courtesy of the guys, of course, because how the heck do you decorate for anything. ]

Comments

[passional]

It is. But it would make things easier, I think. Then I wouldn't have cried in my room for an hour like I did today.

...And being a soldier would be easier if I could enjoy the bloodshed I cause.

[glaciates]

...Some people just aren't cut out to be soldiers. I'm not.

[He brings his left hand up for a moment to stare at the tattoo on his palm before dropping his hand.]

I would never wish to enjoy bloodshed, but I understand what you mean. Unfortunately, that's just not how it works.

[...]

Sorry. I wish I knew what to say.

[passional]

It's fine. This isn't an easy subject.

[ ... ]

I wouldn't wish it either. I don't think my father would want me to be like him either -- he's... messed up in several ways, but he's a good father. He just isn't a person anyone should try to emulate.

[ After meeting a younger version of Henry, this fact only became more evident. Inigo loves him dearly, but he isn't blind to his flaws. ]

[glaciates]

Some people are like that. Kimblee's kinda like that. He's a little messed up. But I think war does that to everyone. Either you break a little or you harden up to deal with it. Neither option's a good one.

[KIMBLEE LITERALLY COMPLAINED ABOUT PEOPLES' SCREAMS NOT BEING BEAUTIFUL ENOUGH AS HE WAS KILLING THEM, HE'S MORE THAN A LITTLE MESSED UP]

[passional]

[ would henry and kimblee get along tho. ]

...How did you deal with killing people, Isaac?

[glaciates]

[henry would probably make fun of his philosophies t b h]

...At first I broke down. That was why Kimblee talked with me that day, because he could tell I couldn't handle it. I never should have been there in the first place; I'm not cut out to be a soldier and it was obvious from the very beginning.

[Kimblee made that very clear by joking about Isaac only lasting a week, but you know. That's fine!!]

I don't remember the end of the war, but I think I must have hardened up. I... I'm still not really sure what's going on with my memories now, but... that'd make sense, I think.

[That's also understating it horribly. If anything, he's become completely callous to others. It's a terrifying thought.]

[passional]

...I couldn't sleep for days after I took my first life. [ He idly toys with the blade of grass. ] The Risen don't leave any bodies behind, they just disintegrate. The living are different. I remember how my hands shook, how the sight of my blade stained with red made me want to vomit.

[glaciates]

...You're definitely not alone there. Though I didn't have to get too close, I could create explosions with a canteen.

[Steam explosions. So it was a different sort of fucked up.]

I'd say you're way too young to experience something like that, but a lot of soldiers in Ishval were around your age. Some of the State Alchemists, even.

It's still fucked up for anyone to have to kill.

[passional]

It's super fucked up. [ Congratulations, you made him use the word "fuck". ]

It's been two years since I took my first life. I... I don't even know how many I've cut down by now. I stopped counting after the first hundred.

[ ... ]

...Is it normal, having gotten to the point where you don't feel anything when you kill? No guilt, no joy, just... nothing.

[glaciates]

[That gets him to stare at the array on his palm again. If it was working right now, he could easily transmute the blood in someone's body - freeze them solid or boil them alive, either way they'd die in seconds.

He's done it before. Maybe if he had his alchemy, he'd do it again.]

...I don't know. I know there were several soldiers like that in Ishval. The older ones who had seen combat before then. But... they were kinda fucked up too, in their own way.

[KIMBLEE WAS VERY FUCKED UP]

I'm not sure if war did that to them or if they were always a little off and war was just where they thrived. All I can really do is speak from personal experience.

...But yeah. I don't think... I don't think I feel anything when I kill either. It's kind of hard to tell without all of my memories.

[That's a lie.]